My Dad Doesn’t Like Reggae

 

I’m currently living with my dad. It’s not ideal in middle age but prior to last July I had a limited relationship with him. He has a bad temper. Unfortunately, I also have a bad temper which is something I’ve always been ashamed of. We both have ADHD which makes it difficult to emotionally regulate, particularly during times of stress. Like all families we also have our weird family dynamics that come from generational trauma. I  made deliberate efforts to take myself out of my family but in doing that I also stepped away from looking at my role in the family.

I was unable to stay with my newlywed husband, who is bipolar one, and having a breakdown. I couldn’t help him. I had to make the choice leave Steven, our home, our new puppy, our belongings, our life to take care of myself.  My father extended himself and helped me get to Alaska and has been keeping me afloat in a million ways since I got here. 

It makes me emotional now that my dad and I didn’t know each other before but we’ve both had a chance to grow up, forgive ourselves and each other. We made that agreement when I moved in. He’s a real Alaskan character. His last wife, Andrea, a strong influence on him, she was his “one”. They were only married for five years before she passed away from Cancer. 

We recently went to dinner and we were talking about some of my scary life experiences. When I was 15 or 16 I was kept in a bathroom by another boy who had a gun. He wouldn’t let me leave for several hours. My dad just listened to that story without judgement. It’s extremely hard for family members to hear and sit with uncomfortable information but these things that have happened have caused most of my health issues. 

I was diagnosed with another stress related condition that affects your vocal cords. My physical body is acting in synchronicity with complex PTSD. Yesterday red, my dad (spelled that way), told me to relax. I literally don’t know how to do that but he’s giving me so much space to figure it out.  

I’m so grateful that we are finally getting to know each other. He doesn't like my reggae music and we watch Star Trek. I try to make sure he gets a real dinner and I really try to slow down and listen to his counsel now. 

Happy Father’s Day red.