Grace

 

The truth is that I'm despondent out here in space

I'm broken

Rockbottom

My bunk is a mess

I look terrible 

Everything feels out of control

I've struggled with my mental health most of my life, when I was younger everything felt immediately painful and my outlet for this was always self-harming and self sabotaging. I had been abused my whole life and I identified with it. I became my abuser. 

How?

I gaslight myself into believing that what I experience isn't real and let other people direct my life.

After my divorce I naively moved to a new place, very far away from everyone. The two years I spent alone during the pandemic there was one of the biggest growth periods of my life. I dove into doing the work with a therapist and it was so rewarding to begin to view myself differently.

I wasn't any of the things other people kept telling me I was

The more I began to grow, the more I wanted to heal that sad person inside of me

Just because things are sad doesn't mean I have to accept it

I want to fight it but when I think of the odds I'm up against I feel overwhelmed. 

But it's my life and it's worth the fight.

So,

I get up every day

follow my treatment plans

try to heal again

learn to have some grace for myself